Hidden Protocol 1.0

Just to prove I've lost my mind I decided to read the Protocol Book again. A few pages in, I found this….

 

    1.0 Pre-screening before Standard Management of All Patients

1. Respond to scene in a safe manner

     >Consider scene safety and initiate pre-conceived notions regarding patient

     >Use of lights and sirens may be necessary, however, consider the nature of call and number of times  responding to address.

     >Completely ignore National Incident Management Systems and avoid radio transmissions during initial size-up.

2 .Approach the scene cautiously and assess potential kling-on patients

     >If klingons attempt to muscle in on patient who called, a strait-arm tactic is advised as you proceed to person in potential need

     >Difficult to shake klingons must be dealt with swiftly, prior to any real illness or injury occurring

3. A full set of vital signs must be obtained prior to ruling out validity of patient

     > Systolic BP <90 consider legitimate (no guarantee)

     > HR <60 and >120 consider legitimate (consider exceptions)

     > RR <10 and > 24 consider legitimate

4. If patient makes it to Assessment Stage Two, use patient monitoring equipment, such as pulse oximeter and ECG monitor.

     > Document any abnormal findings

Once patient has been confirmed as "illegitimate," safely leave scene and return to service. If illegitimate patient continues to call 911, this becomes a police matter and the proper authorities shall be dispatched.

 

But then I woke up.

2 Comments

  • Jean says:

    I see from the last few posts that your sense of humor has returned.
    Hallelujah, YO!

  • Monique says:

    "If illegitimate patient continues to call 911, this becomes a police matter and the proper authorities shall be dispatched.
     
    But then I woke up."
     
    NOOO! 
    Why must what ought so clearly to be SOP be a dream?
     

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