Overheard in Trauma Room 3:
"We were called for a man down, found this guy lying in the bushes, he has some old signs of trauma, appears intoxicated, is combative and uncooperative."
"Sir, are you in any pain?"
"You're an asshole."
"He's been saying that since we found him. He punched a firefighter, kicked me, then tipped the stretcher over on himself on the way in here."
"Sir, what is you're name?"
"Are you a doctor?"
"Yes, I am."
"You're an asshole too!"
"Hey, that's Doctor Asshole to you, pally-boy, show some respect!"
Then he spit at the doctor, forgetting that we had placed a spit shield over him, and the loogy dripped back onto his face.