Letting Go

Read at your own risk, bad moods equal bad poems. Its a good thing I don't have many bad moods or there would be a lot of bad poems.

 

Where do the years go

so fast, so slow

some days are gone in a blink

others take forever

a moment ends, another begins

I'll no longer wake up in a flash

and waltz into strangers homes

and take their dying bodies away

and leave their worried wives, or children

or empty spaces between their walls

I'll miss it; that feeling

not so much the helping

though that was pretty good

it's the power I'll miss

the power I feel

the power I felt

its intoxicating, though I seldom admit that

Its better to let people think I'm their savior

and there only for them

if only they knew

so much happens, so little is done

so little can be done, an IV here, some oxygen there

a chest compression, a drug through the veins

a picture of the rhythm of the heart

one that has no rhythm

unlike my own

that one pounds out a beat to die for

or live for

no time when somebody's time is over

just a guy doing his job

and doing his best,

knowing it's no use

not this time

and waiting for the next one

but the next one will never come

because it's over, I'm done.

 

The City of Providence Retirement Board meets Wednesday Morning. I'll be there.

20 Comments

  • Old Jake says:

    Good Luck……..It is very difficult to let go.  Here it is some 30 years since I retired and I still have nightmares about some of the runs and fires.  Some sounds and smells trigger vivid dreams.  So get yourself a therapist real quick and just talk.  Talk about what happened.  Talk about anything you want but just talk.  It is the best remedy for PTSD andother assorted  initial bearing symptoms.  You have done well grasshopper!  Now you must LIVE the rest of your life in pain but knowing that You DID make a difference.  You were a shining light in many peoples lives.  Always remember that.  You helped others when others would not.  Even the repeat customers or frequent fliers knew eventually to TRUST you.   May your retirement be very eventful and pleasant.  May you be able to find a direction to go in and follow that road.  When you come to a fork in that road…(  now something prolific ) Take the sign and just go up the middle!
     
    Best always
    Leo

  • michael says:

    Very well said, thank you Leo!

  • Bill says:

    Best of luck.
    Thank you for all the years…
    If you can, keep writing, please.

  • Michael,
    I can't really know if you are ready or not, either way the benefits far outweigh any difficulties that may arise. I wish you well during this period of adjustment, I know that you will keep busy. I'm just guessin' that you are not the rocking chair and lapdog kind of guy.
     
    Best to you, well done lad.

    • Michael Morse says:

      Thank you Capt. Schmoe, sage advice from somebody who has been there. It's weird but I'm sure I'll adjust!

  • Perry Smith says:

    It's been a good ride,but the ride's over.Enjoy your retirement Michael !

  • ScotchDave says:

    They'll be worse off without you.
    Enjoy your retirement, and please keep up the blog if you can.  Maybe finish off the vampyros series?
     
    Dave

  • Mike Whooley says:

    Enjoy yourself Mike, You've earned it

  • Jim says:

    I'm new to this game, a probie, and will probably be doing EMT-B next year. So I'm also new to the people involved and those that write about their experiences. I have come to look forward to your writings. They aren't always happy, or funny, and sometimes they are downright depressing. But they always make me think and to consider the human side of the endevour I am just beginning. I understand the need to choose another path. There is only so much that a soul can take and it is best to change course before the soul get beaten down. I wish you well, and for selfish reasons, I hope you continue to write about your experiences.

    • Michael Morse says:

      Thanks Jim, and good luck with your career, it really can be a great experience. Incredible, actually when you get past the things that make it less so.

  • Mr618 says:

    Cap, I was planning on coming down a little later in the season, but I guess the next few weeks would be as good a time as any for a lobster delivery. Unless you and missus want some "us" time prior to lobster time…
    Providence is losing a good man, but you've earned it!

  • Jean says:

    I wish you all the best, Michael.

  • sarah says:

    Aw well earned and well said and you have made me feel guilty too because I never thought to ask my brother how he felt when he retired!
    Best wishes to you and your family.
    xx

    • Michael Morse says:

      Thanks Sarah, its nebver too late to ask! Best to you and thanks again for all of your thoughtful commentarry over the years.

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