Please post in a conspicuous place
There will be an Emergency room, and somewhere else, somewhere nearby,Â a REAL EMERGENCY room
Field Units will evaluate patients and transport to the appropriate facility
There will be no Entertainment Weekly, People, or Star magazines permitted in The Emergency Room
Posted in The Emergency Room will be an updated list of local clinics, Primary Care Doctors and detailed directions on how to apply band-aids
People waiting in the Emergency Room will be shown REAL Emergencies while they wait
The Jerry Springer Show or similar entertainment will be banned from The Emergency Room monitors
Emergency! re-runs wil be permitted
The Emergency Room will have a mandatory five hour wait, whether it is needed or not.
The REAL Emergency Room willÂ have no wait at all
People who call 911 for rides to The Emergency Room and do not need The REAL Emergency Room must pay in advance for the ride
The REAL Emergency room will be staffed by people rotating from the Emergency Room
Persons who “might be” having an emergency will be allowed five (5) mulligans, after which they will be directed directly to The Emergency Room for treatment
A complimentary buffet will be served after each shift for both The Emergency Room, and The REAL Emergency Room staff.
Open barÂ will be included with proper ID
That is all, carry on and stay safe…