The EMS Directive 1-A

From the Executive Office of The EMS
Directive 1-A

Please post in a conspicuous place


Effective immediately:


There will be an Emergency room, and somewhere else, somewhere nearby,  a REAL EMERGENCY room

Field Units will evaluate patients and transport to the appropriate facility

There will be no Entertainment Weekly, People, or Star magazines permitted in The Emergency Room

Posted in The Emergency Room will be an updated list of local clinics, Primary Care Doctors and detailed directions on how to apply band-aids

People waiting in the Emergency Room will be shown REAL Emergencies while they wait

The Jerry Springer Show or similar entertainment will be banned from The Emergency Room monitors

Emergency! re-runs wil be permitted

The Emergency Room will have a mandatory five hour wait, whether it is needed or not.

The REAL Emergency Room will  have no wait at all

People who call 911 for rides to The Emergency Room and do not need The REAL Emergency Room must pay in advance for the ride

The REAL Emergency room will be staffed by people rotating from the Emergency Room

Persons who “might be” having an emergency will be allowed five (5) mulligans, after which they will be directed directly to The Emergency Room for treatment

A complimentary buffet will be served after each shift for both The Emergency Room, and The REAL Emergency Room staff.

Open bar  will be included with proper ID


That is all, carry on and stay safe…



1 Comment

  • Cath says:

    This I like! 😀  All though our local emergency room seems to have a similar policy; there's a four-hour wait no matter what. I am sure this is deliberate. If you are sick enough, you'll wait the four hours. If you don't want to wait, you aren't sick enough, and should see your GP in the morning. Of course, life-threathening problems are treated at once. Almost always.

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