“I am not addicted. I do this every day and I’m fine!”
Nobody wants to be addicted to things that are interfering with their quality of life. Nobody wants to admit they are addicted. We all just want to be like everybody else.
But we’re not. Simple as that. We’re different.
It took me a long, long time to realize that. When I finally did, it was as if the weight of the world had been lifted from me.
I can’t drink like “normal” people. There, I said it. Therefore, I don’t drink things that get me intoxicated. Seems I could never get intoxicated enough. Didn’t make me a bad person, or a weak one, it just made me different.
When I learned to embrace my differences, rather than drink them away, the chains of slavery to substances weakened. They didn’t simply vanish, and a few links linger, but the weight is mostly gone. I keep it away by staying realistic about who I am, and who I want to be, and especially, who I was.
I was a mess, plain and simple. People who didn’t know me had no idea. People who did had no idea what was wrong with me, only that something was. I knew exactly what was wrong, but didn’t think I could do anything about it.
I wasted a lot of years in isolated misery, acting like all was well, and dying inside. It’s no way to live, trust me on that. I struggled, but eventually found a solution.
So far so good, fourteen years clean and sober and counting. I feel like I’m just starting to live. It’s good being fourteen again, and maybe this time I’ll remember living through it.
American Addiction Centers has taken me on, and I’ll be part of their recovery team, My stories for them will focus on recovery, treatment, andÂ getting through to thick skulled people like myself.
Here is the first installment of an on-going blog that exists for the sole purpose of helping people who are “different” find their way to contented sobriety.