All Hot!

Meat Monsters

http://rescuingprovidence.com/2011/12/hot-and-alot/

When I was fresh out of the Acadamy and assigned to Ladder 7 in the city's North End the guys quickly learned that I had spent a lot of years working in area restaurants.

"Can you cook?"

"Yup."

"Get in the kitchen."

And that was that. For years I was the chief cook and bottle washer for eleven people. I quickly learned that the more complicated I made things the more complicated the complaints. The deeper I dug into Cheryl's recipe file the more trouble I would get into at work.

"What is this?"

"Broccoli rabi saute'd with andouille sausage on top of a bed of polenta, what does it look like?"

"Looks like something I left in the toilet Saturday Night."

Firefighters are not the most refined bunch. Hot and Alot is the favorite meal at the firehouse.

Here's one of my favorites that still appears at firehouses across the city:

Meat Monsters

-a shitload of hamburg

-a bunch of bread crumbs

-couple of eggs

-some milk

-a few bags of frozen spinach

-a few bags of shredded cheddar

-a pound or two of sliced ham (prosciutto if you think you can get away with it)

-salt

-pepper

-garlic powder (if you dare)

-onion salt (if you're getting a little crazy)

Mix the hamburg, bread crumbs and eggs with some seasonings. Mix it good, and make sure you wash your hands! Make eleven blobs of meat mixture, put them on a sheet pan. Form meat monsters into one pound blobs. Turn those blobs into loaves. Make a slice in the middle and stuff them with ham, cheese and spinach. Stick them in the oven at 350 and hope you don't catch a run. Take them out in an hour or so.

In the meantime throw a couple of bags of potatoes onto the table in the day room and scatter some potato peelers around. Put a big pan in the middle. When your slaves have finished peeling and cutting the potatoes, boil them until they are done. Drain, add six pounds of butter and a gallon of milk, sneak in some seasonings, because if you don't sneak them in somebody will complain, even though if you don't season them somebody else will complain. Find a good potato man and have him or her mash them up.

Heat up some gravy. Heaven forbid you forget the gravy! You could prepare a masterpiece, spend hours slaving in the kitchen, forget the gravy and what you will hear for the next half hour is not how wonderful and tasty the feast is, rather "Where's the Gravy!" will be your reward.

Stack eleven plates on the counter, put the bin of utensils next to the plates, place the vat of mashed potatoes next to the tray of Meat Monsters, followed by the gravy and get on the PA system and say the magic words:

ALL HOT!

Stuffed Pork Chops

http://rescuingprovidence.com/2012/01/what-no-applesauce/

I'm working at Rescue 6 in Olneyville tonight, a little stressed out-10 calls in ten hours so far, twenty-four hours to go. Lunch was hours ago, a cold bowl of soup and a stale grilled ham and cheese. What posesses guys to buy boiled, canned ham? And yellow cheese "food?"

Every firefighter should have one meal that he or she can cook, and cook well. It doesn't have to be complicated, simple ingredients and simple methods work best, burgers on the grill with fries in the oven, stir- frys, Italian tuna on a fresh Portuguese hard roll-I'm not looking for miracles here, just a little effort!

Cold canned  soup and yellow cheese, unbelievable!

The station is empty when I arrive, no trucks on the apparatus floor, no firefighters anywhere. A still box went out at 1745, just as I was leaving the Allens Avenue fire station, must be a code red. There's grocery bags on the kitchen counter. I've got a few minutes before the rescue returns,  nothing wrong with a little preview of tonite's culinary delight.

Boneless Pork Chops

Some cans of gravy

Ten Pound Bag of Red Potatoes

A few Bunches of Broccoli

That's it folks. What's a starving, lonely Rescue Lieutenant to do?

Get cooking!

First, a little recon. The Dinky closet is open, not sure which group left theirs unlocked, but what the heck, I don't know any better, I'm just a dumb rescue guy. There's a box of Stove Top instant stuffing hiding behind some salad dressings, a giant can of olive oil and a bag on onions. I take two onions and the stuffing. Just a cup of water and one package will be enough, I put the box back with the remaining one. There's a bag of shredded cheddar in the fridge, hiding in the vegetable drawer. It's not marked so it's fair game. A simple firehouse rule concerning leftovers that ensures harmony between working groups and should be strictly adhered to at all times is, if it isn't labeled, it's up for grabs, if it is marked and clearly identified as the property of a certain group, just take a little.

The common cupboard has the rest of what I need, bread crumbs, onion and garlic salt, some herbs, I like thyme, sage and basil on my pork, and I hope everybody else does too. There's some unlabeled eggs in the fridge near the milk so I grab a few of those and add them to the pile.

My foraging trip has given me the necessary ingredients for the feast:

some bread crumbs

a couple of eggs

a stick of butter

a nearly full bag of shredded cheddar

a package stove top stuffing

salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion salt, basil, sage and thyme.

First, boil the water and preheat the oven to 400. I don't have all day so every second counts. Then, wash and cut up the potatoes in quarters. Then, slice the onion. Mix the stuffing when the water boils and stick the pan in the freezer, stuffing and all. Get a sheet pan, splash a little oil or butter on it and spread it around, better yet, use cooking spray if you can find it,  put it next to a cutting board, place the chops on the board and beat them with the palm of your hand (washed of course, before and after!) or a meat mallet until they are a little thinner than they started. Sprinkle some salt and pepper on both sides. Take the stuffing out of the freezer, put a blob onto half of the pork chops, and cover with the other half, making one big stuffed pork chop. Beat the eggs in a cereal bowl, spread out some bread crumbs on a dinner plate, and carefully pick up each chop, dip in egg, then drop into bread crumbs, then do the other side and put it back on the sheet pan. Find a baking dish, put the potatoes into it, add the onions, pour a ton of the pilfered olive oil on top, liberally season with the collected seasonings, toss them around then put them into the oven. Get a big pot, put an inch or two of water into it, put it on the stove and turn it on high. Cut up the broccoli, nothing fancy, just little pieces. By the time that's done, the water should be boiling so drop the broccoli in, cover, and put the pan of pork chops into the over, while doing so toss the potatoes around a little more. Find another pan and put the gravy into it, heat on low. The broccoli should be soft by now, and even if it isn't who cares, there's eight hungry firefighter returning from a building fire, they will eat anything at that point so there is no need to get crazy.

Put the butter in a soup bowl and melt it in the microwave. Don't be a jerk, put a paper towel over it so it doesn't splash all over the place! When that is done, pour the bread crumbs in and mix it around till you have buttered bread crumbs, and everybody knows what those are, so just do it. One more pan, this time a baking dish. Put the broccoli in, top with the bread crumbs, mix it up a little, top with the cheese and stick it in the oven.

Time for a review:

Potatoes have been in for forty minutes.

Pork chops thirty

Broccoli five

Gravy is warm

Kitchen is a disaster, but we still have ten of fifteen minutes oven time left so get to work!

At 1915 Hrs. the overhead doors open, and the firefighters are back. They are expecting bags of groceries and an hour at least before they eat dry, grilled pork chops, boring mashed potatoes and overcooked broccoli. Instead, they get a feast.

Your reward?

"What, no applesauce!"