“The Job” is seven minutes away from my front door, yet it feels worlds away. Seven minutes. Five miles.
I’m settling in to my new routine, physical therapy, a little of this and that, just living a day at a time. It’s been a long time coming, “The Job” has a way of wrapping you inside, making you somebody you really are not. If I had a chrystal ball eighteen years ago and peered inside, the person I have become would shock me. I might even smash the chrystal ball in a thousand pieces, shattering it against a wall and never looking again.
People change. It is the normal, healthy course of life, growth, understanding, spirituality. Relationships blossom, or wilt and die, all in such slow incriments it is impossible to see the changes as they happen.
This injury has given me a lot of time to think. It took a few weeks for me to come down from the adreneline rush that is Rescuing Providence. The nature of the job, the power it instills into us, the isolation, hopelessness and anger seep in, changing us, altering our outlook. Knowledge is power I once heard somebody say, but it also makes you powerless. The more I know, the more I see, the more I want to crawl into my home, lock the doors and never leave. It’s a cruel world out there, one that will destroy you if you let it.
Rescue 1 responded to a call yesterday, a teenageed pregnant mother shot to death at three in the afternoon by her “boyfriend.” I should have been working. I’m happy I was at home. At one time I wanted to be wherever the chaos was greatest, to test my skills, to do some good. Now that I’ve come down from all that, I honestly don’t know.
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Five Gone
Two miles from my home five people died in a fire. Horrible. You just never know.
http://newsblog.projo.com/#558615
May the victims rest in peace and the responders find the peace they need.
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Bars
We forced a storm door and entered the home through the rear door.
"Fire Department!"
A low moan came from somewhere and the search was on. The guys from Engine 10 went one way, Ryan and me the other. Something that never changes, be it a fire, inspection or rescue run, companies stick together. We found him first, lying at the bottom of the stairs.
"What are you doing down there?" I asked the man, a gray haired fellow with ashen skin.
"I went to get a drink and my legs gave out. Damndest thing."
His place was full of things that helped define him. ...
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Fleas
Fleas flutter around the sleeping man, landing on his face, his hands. Biting, then flying off.
"Rubin!" I say, crouching down. He's sixty, looks seventy, wrinkled, tired and just about done.
Sixty. That's longer than most of his kind last. Street people don't have longevity. Tonight, Rubin is inside, lying on a flea infested air mattress at Crossroads, one of the states largest homeless shelters. It's his home, where he lays his head at the end of his long days spent wandering the streets of Providence. They let him stay here, tucked away in the corner of the "day room," along with ...
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Old Shoes
It's all in the shoes. They're two years old now, worn in, or out, just right. And they need to go.
One more polish will get them through another tour, but I'm going to have to get some new ones.
Funny how old and tired my uniform looks now. Last time I wore it I didn't give it a second thought, just something to wear to work. It's nice being able to wear the same thing every day, no bad decisions made at the crack of dawn to regret for the rest of the day. Same colors, same routine. Nice.
I wonder when ...
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Spence Kennedy
Every now and then I read a post from one of the many excellent blogs I follow that literally knocks my socks off.
http://sirenvoices.blogspot.com/2010/01/resurrectionist.html
Has anyone seen my socks?
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Crazy Heart
Tom Cobb wrote Crazy Heart years ago. Now it's a movie getting some great reviews. Jeff Bridges recently won a Golden Globe for his portrayal of the main character and there is a good chance he'll win an Oscar.
I met Tom through my Uncle Brian. The two have been friends and colleagues for years. Tom's book, Shavetail and Rescuing Providence were published around the same time. One day, Tom, Uncle Brian and myself were having a coffee when Tom mentioned that selling books is a lot like pushing water uphill. I still use that expression when somebody asks me how ...
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The Handover, An EMS Portrait
The Handover comes to Gomerville!
http://gomerville.com/2010/01/11/the-handover/
The official edition won't be published until the end of the month, for now, here is my submission.
An EMS Portrait
Two kids, no more than eighteen sat on a sidewalk in Providence’s freezing November. Litter blew down the street, propelled by a chilling breeze that took the last memories of Indian summer away. Winter pushed through, nothing stopping her chilling embrace now.
The kids, a boy and his pregnant girlfriend had been walking when she felt severe abdominal pain. A pay phone was close, lucky for them; he used it to call 911. Engine 2 responded, along with ...
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Back
"Rescue 3 and Engine 11, Respond to 673 Carter Street for a woman not breathing."
"Looks like the doctor's going to have to wait," I said to Ryan as I keyed the mike.
Rescue 1, clear of the detail, responding to Carter."
"Roger Rescue 1, at 0945."
First day back after three days off, third call in a little over two hours. That's just the way it goes. An emergency medicine resident from Rhode Island Hospital was scheduled to ride along with Rescue 1 for the shift, we had been trying to connect all morning.
"Engine 11 to Fire Alarm, code 99."
"Received, Engine 11, Rescue ...
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Together
"This Winter harsh and cruel will not change much for us
it is a time to be together, a time for closeness and of warmth,
a time to renew strength to start with vigour our battle."
Susie Hemingway
http://susiehemingway.blogspot.com/2010/01/silence-falls-by-susie-hemingway.html
Battles are fought every day, courageous, relentless and deadly. Inside the homes we pass, the minds of the people we greet and in the hospitals and nursing homes where people spend their last days, struggles larger than many of us can imagine take place. Suffering is handled with dignity and grace. Despair hidden behind brave faces whose true pain is kept hidden, except for those closest, ...
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Why Not Us?
http://firecritic.com/contests/blog-of-the-year-09/
Rescuing Providence Blog of the Year? As Kevin Millar said, (or Manny or Schilling or Papi, I can't remember) in 2004, "Why not us?"
Thanks Firecritic and whoever nominated Rescuing Providence.
Vote early and vote often!
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I’m happy and proud to announce I’ve established a working relationship with Eric Latek, Producer and Director at Phantazma Pictures, www.phantazmapictures.com.
Eric is an award winning filmmaker based in Rhode Island. He also comes from a family of firefighters. I had the priveledge of working for his father, EMS Chief Henry Latek for years before he [...]
That’s the thing: you go, go, go and never have the chance to “really” think about life, and all that’s going on around you. It’s the moments when we are made to stop, that we have the chance to process all of it. Just be good to yourself during this healing phase, and take it easy. Get well and heal.
You’ve focused on other people for a long time now.
Focus on yourself for a while.
Get some rest, heal, think about things.
The desire to be in the middle of it all will come back with time… or it won’t, and you’ll find something else you want to do.
Also realize that to at least some extent, you’re coming down off a long adrenaline high. You’re bound to need to readjust physically and mentally. Some withdrawal is not unexpected, and that can manifest in a lot of different ways.
It’s always good to be outside the box for a time, albeit not while injured.
Take your time coming back. Take care of yourself first.
Thanks for the encouragement, Chrysalis, Hilinda and Herbie, much appreciated. I read my own posts a day after I write them and can’t believe what a little baby I can be, but I write what I feel at the time and it’s good that I do, I have a strange ability to bury things and just move on, but then I think most of us do the same.
Mike,
Its all part of the roller coaster of rescue. Time off is sometimes the only thing that can keep a person in rescue. The sad part is you have to be physically hurt to get it. Not just mentally hurt or fried. Take the time, heal well and if you need to talk give me a call and we can get a coffee.
JoeEMT799
I’m just grateful there are people like you who choose these types of careers for the rest of us.
GrandPiano…
Thanks heaps for this!… if anyone else has anything, it would be much appreciated. Great website HOT Pianoforte Links http://www.en.Grand-Pianos.org Enjoy!…
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